Blame Game

It doesn't matter what the situation is, spending time trying to find out who to blame for something is never productive. It is especially destructive when you're trying to figure out who gave you HIV. It's one thing to try to find out who gave it to you so they can get tested and stay healthy too, but it's a completely different thing if you're trying to figure out who gave it to you so you can tell them how they ruined your life.

First of all, you agreed to do it without protection, and even if you were only doing it with your lover you clearly were still putting yourself at risk. Second, placing the blame on someone else makes it look like you were helpless and were forced to do something you didn't want to do, and for most people they weren't. Lastly, isn't it more important to focus on taking care of yourself and staying healthy? We don't really have much time as it is, and to waste it on trying to blame someone just doesn't make sense.

The truth is, you can never really tell who gave it to you unless you have only a limited number of partners you had unprotected sex with. Even then, it's still hard to tell because the incubation period for HIV is anywhere from 2 months to 2 years, sometimes even up to 5 years (?) according to one doctor we spoke with. Even if you're absolutely 100% sure who gave it to you, isn't it bad enough that the guy has to go through the same shit you're going through, and maybe even worse?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the first thing that HIV makes you feel is scared. The next thing it makes you feel is lonely. Isolating yourself from people is seriously not going to help. If someone close to you is the one who gave it to you, then it's all the more reason to stick together because the first few steps of dealing with HIV are not easy, and it's better not to go through them alone. Thank God I have Red. Neither of us cares who gave what to who, and we're really focusing on supporting each other. Hopefully our other partners can see that too.

That means you, Mr Black. I realize you only found out last Friday and these first few days are going to be painful for you, but you said that you didn't care who gave it to you, that you loved Red too, but please stop with the blame game because it's not helping anyone. You have no idea how much Red loves you. He loves you more than he loves me, which though hard to admit is the truth. If he did give it to you, which clearly we'll never really know, then he didn't mean to. No one means to give it to anyone expect for really twisted people who I wanna punch in the face. You'll get through this, Mr Black. Forgive and move on. You, me and Red will get treated together, we'll fight HIV together, and we will live long lives. Just make sure that if Red and I ever live together that the two of you don't fuck in our place because I'm so gonna burn the house down. Hehe.

Peace.