End of the Weekend

In a few minutes it'll be Monday, and it will also be the end of my vacation leave. It was a crappy week in terms of blogging because I didn't write about anything substantial, but so much happened to me and I accomplished so much that I forgive myself for being a bad blogger. I have many days this week to make up for my backlog. I just hope I'm able to squeeze in some time to add entries considering how far my commute going to and from work is going to be each day. We'll see.

Don't Give Up

My Dear friend. Yes, what we have is crappy. It sucks to have HIV. It's a fucking pain in the ass. There are so many difficult things we have to do on a daily basis and it sucks because our friends and family go through as much if not more pain than we do. But never at any point should we give up. What we have can be dealt with. You just have to stay strong because this is a long-term fight. Cry, lash out, scream, do whatever you need to do and then deal with it. If you need help, we can give it to you. Don't ever think you don't deserve to be loved, because everyone deserves to be loved. Just because you've given up on yourself doesn't mean that others will give up on you. We will fight for you even if you don't want to fight for yourself. Because that's what family is supposed to do, and you having the virus automatically makes you family. Love, Ben.

TGIF, July 6

I'm meeting up with office friends in a few hours. This week has been a total failure as far as blogging is concerned, but I managed to get all my lab tests done at RITM, I finally started meds, and more importantly I managed to tell my family that I have HIV. Overall it's been a good week. I don't have a whole lot of plans for the weekend, so hopefully (hehe) I'll manage to get a few long entries posted. I'm meeting Red tonight. He's in one of his moods, but mostly because I was in one of mine yesterday hehe. If you're reading this Red, I miss you and I love you. Please don't be mad anymore. **HUGS**

Quick Update

I know I said that I would write a longer entry today, but I had an emotionally tiring day today because I finally had the guts to tell my family that I have HIV. I'll write more about it in the next few days, but for now I'll just say that that I'm extremely lucky to have the family that I have. I love them immensely and they love me just as much. Their support is something I wish for everyone who has HIV. I am truly blessed.

Day 1 on ARVs

At 9:30 pm today I took my first ARVs. They're the same ones that Red had to take. I'm hoping the side effects are minimal. So far I don't feel anything, and I'm hoping it stays that way. Red is done with his 14-day trial and has started taking Nevirapine twice a day. I'm hoping that he won't encounter any negative reactions. Some people only start showing reactions much later after starting ARVs, like one guy we met last Monday.

I forgot to post a new entry yesterday. I think it's only the 2nd time that it has happened, but I still feel bad. To make up for it, since I'm not going anywhere tomorrow, I'll add at least 2 new long entries and I'll post some scans of my documents -- with my personal info blacked out, obviously hehe.

My CD4 is 289

I have to apologize because I've been a delinquent blogger for the past few days, and the earliest I'm going to be able to write a longer entry is this Wednesday. Tomorrow I seriously need to start working on a report I've been procrastinating on for work, and I have an interview at a place near Makati. That and I'm planning to tell my Mom tomorrow that I have HIV, so it's going to be a busy day and possibly emotionally draining.

In the meantime, I went to RITM today and found out that my CD4 count is 289. Not bad because at least it means I don't have AIDS yet, but I do need to start ARVs as soon as possible. The doctors at RITM want me to finish my baseline tests first before I start the 14-day trial for the meds, so I'm not going be able to go back to Davao that quickly. I don't want to go back until I'm sure that the side effects aren't that bad. I met someone today at RITM who only started getting side effects after a month, so it might take a while before I'm in the clear, but we'll see. My landlady just said that my contract at the room I'm renting will end by July 31, so that might be a sign that I need to move here sooner rather than later.

I also told another friend today that I have HIV. Let's call her Susan. Before I told her, I said OK 3 things. You have to promise not to scream, you can't tell anyone else what I'm about to say, and you have to promise not to cry. So I showed her my western blot results, first by pointing to the part of the form with my real name and then pointing to the part where it said "HIV Positive". She was shocked for a minute then she started crying. I said hey, you promised not to cry and she said sorry but I can only do the first two things. We laughed and we talked for a bit. Susan was very supportive and asked if I needed anything and I said nah, just love. You've had that for a very long time now, she said. I am truly blessed with the best friends. I wish all pozzie people had my friends.

That's all for now. I will write a longer entry as soon as work stuff and my lab tests are out of the way. Thanks for reading. Stay safe and stay strong.

RITM Tomorrow

I'm finally going to RITM tomorrow. Wish me luck. I hope my CD4 count is high. I haven't told my family yet that I have HIV. I'm procrastinating, not because I'm scared of their reaction but more because I don't think it's such a big deal anymore. But I will tell them within the week, maybe tomorrow after I find out if I need to start meds or not. Red is going with me to RITM. He was going to go anyway because his 14 day trial for his meds is nearly over. I miss Red. We saw each other last night but it wasn't enough. I can't wait until we start living together again.